What am I missing?

How come I'm missing something that was never mine ?
Could never be mine, I was never stupid enough to believe
it'd be mine, I'm usually so realistic. Why now?
I feel like I'm being ripped limb from limb
like my hearts being sucked dry of all it's blood
just left as a shrivelled little heap, withering, dead.

How come when I want you to smile at me
all I get is a grimace? What did I do that was so wrong?
I feel like I'm missing something very important.
Is that why you keep leaving? Because you're scared
you'll become too attached? Because you're afraid you'll hurt me
I hate to break it to you it's hurting me more
to be thrown from pillar to post like this.

Or is it simpler than that? Do I not mean anything?
I'm not right am I? I hope I'm not but that's what
my, oh so, intuitive gut keeps telling me
Then the stronger half of me mutters "listen to yourself"
"Who the hell are you and what have you done to the
usual unmoved occupant of this body?" I'm in too deep!

I'm sighing, staring out of windows looking for inspiration.
All I'm finding is rays of glare. I convince myself
"I'm going to stop it all now!" But you force your way back in.
Show me what I'm missing, because at the moment
I'm trying to find something that my subconscious
is telling me simply isn't there. "Arghhhhhhh" I want to scream.