24 hours ago

Wow you just said it again
"hahaha" I laugh I didn't even realised you cared for me
24 hours ago I was a clueless wreck stuck in limbo
Just waiting for you to enlighten me

But today it was different it wasn't forced
every time I smiled, I meant it.
Something tells me you did too
and I get a tingle whenever you kiss my neck

Yeah I trust you enough to touch my neck
I feel like... well I feel different.
and when you kissed me I wasn't scared
apprehensive but not scared

the funniest bit was when you kissed my nose
by accident of course... at least I hope it was
hahaha then you kept saying, love you.
I waited for it to feel awkward and it just didn't...

Your Poem ......

Grandad and Gran B,
this is your poem...

Tonight, you are with the family
and friends, who have loved with you.
We've seen the good and revelled in it.
We've seen the bad and been there for you.
Just as you have always been there for us
no matter what or who tried to come between
the strong, binding ties we've created.

There are so many times that you've shared
that I will never know about.
What was it like to hold your first child
or your second for that matter?
When you met was it love at first sight ?
On your wedding day, what did you have
that was blue? Did you watch her smile
as she walked down the aisle ?

All that I know is that you are my grandparents,
the ones I run to, have done since I was little.
for a cuddle or to hear my favourite fairy tale.
To listen to you tell me about the past.
You have done so much, I could never
be who I am now without you.

Do you remember helping me make dens?
Can you remember when we went fishing
and grandad kept saying those huge fish
just broke off the line ........ yeah right grandad.
I can, I remember the happiest moments
being simply with you. At your caravan
or walking and bilberry picking at brimham rocks.
The adventures I've been on with you two.

So tonight, we are celebrating your adventure.
I hope you smile, I hope you get all the hugs,
I hope that you enjoy yourselves,
and most of all I hope we can all share in it.
because as a family, we are strong
and you are our strongest link
always have been, always will be.

Juliet's revenge

"Leave...get out..."
The screech echo's after me
and finally these awkward feet
are moving along.
Slowly, my weak legs and
retching gut are exiting,
the now bloody set.

Nose bleeding, arms clawed
I heave my weight into the car.
I sit. I'm a fool.
Thought I'd get away with it.
It meant nothing.
It never meant as much as she did to me
but that screaming banshee
she isn't the woman who loves me

'Oh god', your daunted eyes
your betrayed expression
the hard line of your lips
the sharp edge to your set jaw.
the sobbing, the endless tears,
will haunt me for the rest of my life
I should have known, realised,
you'd guessed. You've been grey faced

barely speaking to me,
staring into space, not lively.
There's been no electric current
in our embraces, they've seemed forced.
You've shoved me away.
I'm whinging again aren't I?
Making this your fault...

I never could take responsibility
for those actions that hurt you.
Oh how I've hurt you this time
beyond repair...
Thump! "What the...?"
Thud! "Hahahaha"
that insane demon that grips
my gorgeous, caring love
is pelting me with bags and belongings.

The things we built our home around
torn from walls, grabbed from cupboards
are falling to the car, scratching paint
breaking glass; all these blows meant for me.
I can hear you again now
the shrieks of pain, the blubbering,
slurring of words-expletives.

Who is this animal ?
Where is my prim and perfect
princess? The mascara's running down
your patchy face. You were never so...
inconsolable, uncontrollable even.
I always knew the right words.
But you see that's where I went wrong isn't it?

I only ever judged you on your beauty.
I did what my father did to
my sweet, gentle, beautiful mother,
to you. I forgot that you were
more than looks, you always have
been intelligent, passionate.
You demanded the best from me.
It was my undoing in the end
I couldn't live up to the pinnacle
of humanity you wanted me to be.

I am only human, I am only male.
"Male scum" as you so rightly remind me.
It seems our trail of thought
is following similar bread crumbs.
I can't believe I let my life go to the dogs
for a bitch like her.
I ended it weeks ago
but she couldn't let go.

See that dog was nothing like you
I had to woo her with baubles
with trinkets, other men
lined up behind her.
Some men warned me she was a witch!
Did I listen? 'Did I hell'
She was so different to you...

Always will be she's,
a whole other breed.
She's not even in your league!
That's what's got me feeling ill
that I hurt you for a bit of tacky,
trashy, tarty, nothingness.
I've treated you like utter crap.

I'm back in the living room,
You're sat on the sofa
as far from the door I'll enter
as you could possibly get.
"Hey honey I'm home now"
I smiled at you, that's when you pressed it
the button that broke everything

The answer machine bursts into life
dictates every little gory detail.
The leering obviously drunk voice
hisses at you "He loves me! Not you!"
and you crumple, the calm, collected,
nonchalant exterior it must have taken
hours to find, dissipates into nothing.
I reach for you and
you seemed to be reaching to me...

Then you hit me, square on the nose.
I was stunned. Now I'm chuckling.
You've still got that mean right hook.
You've not used it in while mind.
For the first time this evening the wetness,
covering my stained shirt isn't red,
tears are trickling away from my black eyes.

I've never received such hatred.
Never seen such evil intent in those eyes.
For a moment I was scared,
scared of the woman I've loved,
for longer than I actually remember.
Because you always remembered the dates.
Made excuses for me, you were considerate.
You were perfect.

The flood gates have opened now.
You've disappeared. Something tells me-
"you won't be seeing her again, you idiot"
I start the ignition, I've got to leave.
Give you a clean break.

Perhaps you'll find someone who deserves you...
I'm turning the corner and
I see you on the balcony
and I read the look in your eye.
It's not difficult, it just says
"Your last mistake, was driving off"
It says, " Romeo can bugger off"
It says, "please I want my life back"
then you shout "...and don't come back"

Aethelflaed

I am the lady of the Mercians.

I control the lands, men wish to take

burly, grotesquely huge men.

Men without moral, without code,

they take lands; but not mine, never mine.

They will not dominate me,

I am female not defenseless!

You know the men of my court

and that of my father's, they've

honoured me with this status.

Rather than replacing me,

in the aftermath of my husbands death,

he who fell to the dreaded north men-

I was granted my Wessex lands

I was granted a little freedom.

I had been a good wife to the Mercian king after all.

Did you know they trust me?

they take my advice, I'm a keen tactician.

I love the thrill of a battle,

I've invaded wales, captured derby from the Danes,

defeated them at Leicester;

the power that came with victory, it shakes me sometimes.

I am not ignorant to my peoples needs.

I have even given these wretched men and heir-

not the one they hoped for,

but still my heiress, my independent Elfwynn.

She has it, the little spark.

A mixture of pride, of poise,

of courage. She'll handle them.

Oh yes The Lady of The Mercians,

will live on. The title might pass on

to generations and generations

of strong influential women.

It might not; but I tried.

I've tried to make a difference

to show people I am not just a possession

I've had forts built, I've had them garrisoned.

Give me an army to command

and so help me they'll obey.

Even those ice cold, stone hard vikings

complied, York's Danes pledged allegiance,

To save their sorry skins from other enemies.

More wretched Norse men,

headed this time from Ireland.

But I'm withering now, growing old

It has been a long time without rest

I occasionally envy the simple lives

of ladies of the court, they will die in peace.

I will die in pieces, more than likely.

But I'll die in a powerful seat,

my brother envies, only wishes he could hold.

Elfwynn will hold on to my Mercia

I have taught her enough, to ready her.

Aye she's ready... peace is calling me

I think I'll retire, leave the public eye

just for a few moments...

918 AD

Today was spectacular

Well today was spectacular
the sun just happened to burn,
the concrete pavements
and grassy embankments were so inviting
we kept sitting then wandering along.

But it isn't the heat of the sun
that's leaving an imprint on my skin,
no I wont have any red marks.
It's the hand that's tracing circles on my arm.
It's the arm that's gripping my hips tightly.

I feel more alive with every moment
we're locked together, closer to heaven
than I ever wish to be. I don't think
a bird could even soar this high.
I amble on, just holding your hand

I'm loathed to release it
even just to move an inch further,
towards the flourishing beauty
that has me totally enthralled
because all that seems fake in comparison

to what we have; you're at a loss
for words, for actions, for reasons
I love it when you're like that
it means you can't tell me
only what I want to hear

It's when I finally see the man
I adore, love even, maybe...
Well I've said it now.
Luckily there's no daunted expression,
no running backwards as fast as possible

You just gripped my hand tighter
"Did he do that? or am I dreaming?"
I can't comprehend what that means
I'm too terrified to turn around
then I feel your presence get closer

I turn around there's your face
staring at me devotedly, with those eyes,
I could drown in and that smile
that makes me forget everything
and suddenly concentrate solely on us.

Sub-consciously I'm reminded
that it's selfish to wish for this
to be endless, that I'd miss others
but for a second, looking at you
I see who I want to be

She's projected at me from the sheen
in your eyes. She's smiling and happy
looks like the spring is in her step
looks like the summers caught her in bliss
she's got the colours of autumn glistening

in her skin, her hair. Winter's in the past
no pale flakes touch her, in her little orb.
The all encompassing one that I'm in.
It's sheltering me and I'm thawing.
It appears Ice queens melt quickly, surprise, surprise.

Pride keeps my generators going...

It came back to me today that thing
that I've been lost without. My pride.
It told you, where to shove it!
like a bee being swatted, it stung,
like a butterfly, it's beauty glided from my flowering tongue

I've been full of melancholy and static.
My pride is what keeps me going you see,
it's the substance that makes my generators purr
into action, unleashed, I'm soaring up.
I'm finally taking to the saddle. One foot's in one stirrup.

Now it's time to savour, to watch the drip,
drop of your arguments fall apart.
Prides just the start, not my only weapon.
No, not the most dangerous not by a mile.
You see, my sarcasm has a most ingenious and wicked style.

You don't see what's hit you
until I'm out the door, I'm sauntering away.
It seems I've left you in pain. Oh what a shame!
Look at you ground into the floor, I felt like that before,
well dear 'friend' it appears I won't be anymore!

What am I missing?

How come I'm missing something that was never mine ?
Could never be mine, I was never stupid enough to believe
it'd be mine, I'm usually so realistic. Why now?
I feel like I'm being ripped limb from limb
like my hearts being sucked dry of all it's blood
just left as a shrivelled little heap, withering, dead.

How come when I want you to smile at me
all I get is a grimace? What did I do that was so wrong?
I feel like I'm missing something very important.
Is that why you keep leaving? Because you're scared
you'll become too attached? Because you're afraid you'll hurt me
I hate to break it to you it's hurting me more
to be thrown from pillar to post like this.

Or is it simpler than that? Do I not mean anything?
I'm not right am I? I hope I'm not but that's what
my, oh so, intuitive gut keeps telling me
Then the stronger half of me mutters "listen to yourself"
"Who the hell are you and what have you done to the
usual unmoved occupant of this body?" I'm in too deep!

I'm sighing, staring out of windows looking for inspiration.
All I'm finding is rays of glare. I convince myself
"I'm going to stop it all now!" But you force your way back in.
Show me what I'm missing, because at the moment
I'm trying to find something that my subconscious
is telling me simply isn't there. "Arghhhhhhh" I want to scream.

Stories of old

In the stories of old
you would have swept
that blonde little maiden of her feet
while I swept the dirty
cracked kitchen floor

I would have admired
just looking from afar
taking a few glances from under my lashes
then sighed and carried
on in my chores

In the stories of old
you'd have ridden past
on your glossy white steed blanking me
and I'd have pulled
at the ass behind -"pfft men"

I would have trudged home
almost barefoot, watched her
as she sauntered out decked in your gold
I'd have envied but
I'd never have spoken out

and I might have believed
all those myths from the past
I might have watched you walk past,
not grabbed the reigns
and turned you to look at me

But I'm not judged by my beauty
I'd fail to win any competition if I was
and I don't expect pretty baubles
or gold encrusted glass slippers
Simple souls don't need the big ball gowns

Do you really think resembling a fairy
(or one of those dolls that cover a loo roll) appeals to me?
and as much as I like to swim, I never did like fishy tales
don't sit me on a throne; don't give me a matching tiara
I don't want your gifts

I won't ask for this dance
I wouldn't put you through the pain
me and my two left feet, (treat them with caution)
No I'm not asking to be princess nor queen
I'm not actually asking anything of you

In the stories of old
I'd never have been able to tease and torment you
I'd have been strung up tighter than the corsets
they'd have made me wear
if they'd even had a whiff of such goings on

No in the stories of old
I'd have been the dirty faced girl
the black sheep, the outspoken whore
lucky then isn't it that neither you or me
follow those rules anymore

but you see in the stories of old
you'd never have been a prince
you'd probably have been a pirate, or a rogue
someone who'd have wooed me roughly
moved me, loved me, all against my will

In stories of old and fairy tales alike
there's always a happy ending
but when is there ever always a happy ending in life ?
"Happily ever after" they say
but where is the fun in that?

No trials and tribulations
No Heroine or Hero ever got
anywhere with out a few problems
that's the thing about those pesky story tellers
they make life too easy

Happily never after folks
I think it's time we made our own story
maybe just this once...

WhyWhatBecause

I was asked today, "Why do we have bad days"

and I said "Maybe it's just luck of the draw."

I was asked today, "Why do we have bad days"

and I said "Because we pick the shortest straw."





I was asked today "What is a good day"

and I answered "24 hours without pain"

I was asked today "What is a good day"

and I said "A day where it doesn't rain"





But you see I lied, because I love the rain

and I know that there'd be no joy

without the opposite extreme of pain

I realise my excuses are just a ploy

because in reality I'm afraid of the truth

My short story

"life sucks, but it's an adventure you can't miss: so get on with it!"

I'm No Toy

I want to be more now
I'm done wasting time,
sick of waiting, for you.
It's unfair the way you
toy with me, it's unbearable,
it's like I'm worthless

You don't own me.
You believe you do but
I'm my own property
and your filthy maulers
would only create dirty
stains on my clean skin.

Your tilted, half-a-smile,
can send those insects
fluttering in my stomach,
but they're misguided.
I mean they've flown
into carnivorous plants,

been consumed by monsters.
You're nothing special.
Hard to believe isn't it,
but I finally believe it's true.
Normally my beliefs mean nothing
but now...they do.

We are at opposite poles,
worlds apart, separated
by an invisible spectrum
but I'm not missing you
I feel free. I felt lost.
Now I don't; how simple.

My life isn't controlled,
isn't monitored, isn't stable.
However it's my roller coaster
and I have decided, finally
that I'm not lacking anything
or missing any spare part.

So now I'm going to be more
and this time I won't doubt
myself, I'll ride life unhindered.
Nothing will block my tracks
and If I want to scream
and feel the adrenaline, I will.

I'm climbing slowly upward,
my arms are outstretched,
the fear has my blood pumping
and I finally reach the tip
then I plummet. Independently,
I fall. Now I'm more.