Keep Smiling

There's a magnitude of pointless things
which will always alude me.
I cannot for instance make everyone
happy,
not always not ever actually.
It is pointless trying.

I'm an uncaring bitch;
well that's what I sound like
There are alot of things I'm scared of
I'm scared to love anyone
I'm scared of hurting people
I'm scared of a spirralling life.
because it's not just one spiral it's hundreds
all interlinking, some losing touch.

I'm losing the grip of hands.
Hard, almost clawed hands which keep me in place.
I'm missing the sharp bite of a slick tongue.
The sarcasm, the truths that no one else
would dare tell me but you.
There's another pointless question
why do people always have to leave?

Do you know why I'm making it pointless?
Because I just don't have the answers.
That doesn't make me uncaring,
Because I'm just as irrationally scared as anyone else,
it makes me as in the dark as every
other living soul on this planet.
Like being a mouse in a hundred acres of corn fields.
Just small. Insignificant even.

My tiny, insignificant little spiral
will touch so many other people's.
I will always smile and always be friendly.
I will always care and
yet I will always, ultimately, be afraid
of the some things and nothings.