You can't see me for me

You can't see me for me
because I'm not showing you the real me.
Sorry, but no! That would be too scary
too real, that would mean,
that you actually meant something to me
and I can't go through the pain
of losing someone else

I'm sick of it, alright? I'm not like the others.
I won't share these feelings,
it'd hurt too much to tell you!
I know I'd be rejected and I can't stand it,
it makes me feel so small,
so stupid and insignificant

I can be intelligent but never a beauty
and you deserve a beauty not some
wreck like me, someone who doesn't know,
who they are and
who can't tell you what she wants
and you know it as well, that's why
I won't share these feelings

I will get hurt my head keeps telling me.
How do you drown out your own thoughts?
You know music won't work
I've tried every genre from
the sweetest melody to the hardest rock
and nothing, nothing removes the doubt

Why I have to feel like this is beyond me
'I can do it' I will myself; then I fall
at the last ruddy hurdle
and it hurts it leaves unseen cuts
Bruises that are miles deep
on skin that won't show the pain

You know it wouldn't matter,
if you were just some other person
but you aren't, you are you and
even though at times you infuriate me
beyond belief; you also make me laugh
and you make me cry as well

anything that is powerful enough to
encourage so much emotion from me,
can only be good for me I tell myself
and then I look at you and the pain
over rides all my senses and the
confusion messes with my head

Now you are the scariest thing alive
because you actually make me feel
My goodness I'm terrified
nothing has ever scared me so much
than to just feel. Of course you
wouldn't understand that would you ?
Because you are always so damn strong

and you are never bloody well wrong
and nine times out of ten I feel like
a child when I'm with you
because you make me feel things
I never knew existed it's like
the scariest nightmare and the best fairy tale